Class Three: Obit for our Bulldog

I have no idea when I wrote this. I even wondered if I was the author.  Other writers in the family loved Winston as much as I. Alas! This is now an obit for a wonderful family pet. May he rest in peace.

Class Three

We own a dog of pure breed. His appearance inspires fear. With his head larger than the rest of his body, his great mouth and jowls, and mighty folds around his piercing black eyes, little children shriek when they see him as they hold their mother’s skirts. His bark is deep and loud. He slobbers! Anyone imagines that his attack would be brutal. 

But the truth is that our dog wouldn’t hurt a flea. He is a perfect companion for children, although he might not protect them. Think not that he is stupid. He knows his mind.  He does exactly what pleases him. He will brave hisses and claws to raid the cats’ bowls. His show of affection to his masters is wet, powerful and long! If he doesn’t want to go out he hides and when found refuses to budge. Is it any wonder that he’s an English Bulldog and his name is Winston.

We were not original in our choice of name. The English Bulldog is emblematic of the famous British statesman of WWII. The stereotype has stuck and who would daresay that it is a bad one? Here’s the rub. How many normal individuals want to be compared to a dog?  

I’m not sure if Winston Churchill had a class three occlusion*, but this dog always does. Most people don’t particularly find this bite attractive. Men might accept it because it was once a symbol of strength and courage. Women consider it an affliction. It makes their appearance homely and witch-like. While the Hollywood camera typically prefers a prognathic jawline, the Class Three is overkill. 

It is now possible with advances in oral surgery and orthodontics to correct what is commonly known as an under-bite. A surgical procedure comes first and will shorten the mandible or lower jawbone.  Some extractions might be necessary in order to fit the smaller lower arch of teeth under the upper larger arch. After surgery, orthodontic treatment ensues. The results are spectacular. Et voila! A Hollywood smile. 

But back to the one for whom a class three is always à la mode...Winston. Hollywood be damned! He’ll stick with his Class Three.

*There are also Class 1 and Class 2 occlusions.