Post 17: From Russia with Love - Part I

Actually, the room was quite nice, having two large sun-filled windows with offering plenty of fresh air. The decor was memorable in a good way. Note the mirror reflection of the unique, exposed red brick wall.  We were always glad to come back from our 10 kilometer walk and plop on the big bed.

Some like it hot!

Here it is Saturday afternoon. JJ & I are none too eager to stomp the streets, as we have these last 4 days. Sure we are out of shape, as we never have to do such things in Texas where life is soft and luxurious, & we are absolutely dependent on our air-conditioned cars. Moscow is only for hardy ones who are surely expected to walk kilometers and kilometers. The most beautiful metro in the world (a reputation which it certainly deserves!) serves those in a hurry, possessing just enough youthfulness to confront the arduous connections. The ambling streetcars serve those who are less stressed, most likely older Muscovites, who prefer to enjoy the passing view. Our #1, whom we are visiting, has adapted to the rhythm of hardworking urbanites, & has little patience for us aging humans, especially from parts of the world where ease & comfort are staples of life. “You’re really out of shape!” he opines. 

Our middle age and flabbiness has caught up with us, & we find ourselves indulging in a restful afternoon in the hotel instead of pounding the cobblestones and pavements in disrepair. JJ & I had to get out this morning and scrounge around to find a place to have something resembling a breakfast. Good old McDonalds over a mile away, is located ubiquitously just off the main drag of about 10 lanes, where one must cross to the other side at the underpass of a metro station. Yes, if you’re hungry, you’ll walk a mile or two for some breakfast!

Our son contracted for our accommodation at this strange hotel at the top of a 5-story building with no elevator, only 81 steps. Beyond  a nondescript door at the very top, a tiny cove to one side serves as the reception where one "official" employee, a university or conservatory student, struggles with French or English. There are 10 modest rooms served by a row of communal toilets and shower stalls behind a door labeled “Bathroom Pods.” Both the rooms  and bathroom facilities are quite correct:  clean, roomy, & surprisingly attractive. There are all the usual amenities, even a white terrycloth bathrobe. However, there is nary a telephone nor a bar of soap; I suppose the management thinks everyone owns a cell phone these days & carries around a bar of soap.* The king-size bed is of typical eastern European comfort & construction: a thin mattress on top of a sheet of solid plywood, no springs and no give. It’s the furthest thing you can imagine to anything we sleep on in the West--even an air mattress! You’ve just gotta be ready to accept it, unless you want to pay $1000 per night for western comfort, which we certainly are not. 


We’re tough, but we were shocked to discover that the hotel had no hot water. We immediately signaled it to  management who didn’t seem overly concerned. We were informed that the city had cut off the boilers for prophylactic reasons (hygiene?). Well, the explanation was creative, but, still a big, unlikely lie. Thinking they were convincing us,  they added that there probably wouldn’t be any hot water for another two weeks because it was a cyclic water treatment. They were helpless to the city powers that be. So sad....! Yeah, and we’d be long-gone by then & troublesome no more. 

Chances are a few "Westies" might have accepted this inconvenience, but most would have moved to a more expensive hotel.  We know a lie like this when we hear it, so, we were feisty, we complained, and wouldn't go away.  In the 70‘s some French people still treated hot water as a luxury. People purchased & installed these little pieces of (dangerous!) junk to heat water as it ran from  faucets & spigots. This cheapest of solutions had the drawback of a short life. When it was close to its demise, it took forever for the pilot to light the gas burner which exploded mightily in ones face. It was one of the most dangerous things I ever experienced. We figured the owner was more likely saving rubles because most of his patrons are long-suffering Russians who would tolerate cold water. In fact, #1 informed us that it isn’t unusual for Russians to cut off water heaters the moment spring arrives in an effort to recover on the high costs of winter heating. Makes sense. 

But this is a “hotel” that charges $100 per night & no breakfast included!  JJ & I actually suffered the cold water to clean our rank bodies, & continued to bellyache loudly. We just had to win the issue with these people who took us for idiots. Suddenly, hot water miraculously appeared.  At this news we quickly prioritized having a proper shower and washing our hair. Even JJ’s dome and plentiful Caesarean wreath needs a good washing from time to time. His unsightly 5-day beard also disappeared. Ahh! The luxury of hot water. You have no idea how much you’ll miss it until you don’t have any.


*#1 loaned us a cell phone for our stay.  & experience has taught us to always have a bar of soap and toilet paper in the suitcase.

The Hotel Lobby

The last of 81 stairs. Note the ladder by the hotel door. There's a plan to add 10 more rooms in the "attic." Oh, and also a small elevator.